Camryn Nichole Johnson

Our sweet angel

6 lbs.  18 inches

Camryn Nichole



On Sunday, September 26th, I woke up and started getting ready for church.  About 9:30 I realized I hadn't felt Camryn move yet, so I layed down and tried to poke my belly and wake her up. Nothing happened and I really didn't think anything of it and kept getting ready for church.  All through Sacrament meeting, I noticed she hadn't moved either, which was very unusual. She always seemed to move during that time. Cache always rubbed my belly a lot during Sacrament meeting and she usually responded to it.  I went through the next few hours of church and was waiting to feel her move.  On the drive home, I got a huge pit in my stomach because I realized I hadn't felt movement all day. This was at about 3:00 pm.
     I got home and went straight to the couch and started poking her VERY hard and shaking her. Nothing.  I called Troy and chatted and mentioned how I hadn't felt Camryn move at all today and I was worried. He told me to go and drink a sugary beverage and eat. I did. Nothing still. I knelt down and said a prayer asking my Heavenly Father to please let me know if I needed to go in or if I was over- reacting.  I then called my mom and dad. They were on their way home from St. George, Ut. I told her of my concern and she told me to call the doctor.  I felt right then an urgency to call and knew that was my answer to my prayer.  I called and explained my situation and the nurse talked with the on-call Dr. and she wanted me to come in. I hung up the phone and started bawling.  I couldn't believe I was actually going in to see if my baby was okay or not.  I called a few neighbors to watch the kids and nobody was answering.  I got ahold of my neighbor Vicki and she wasn't home, but said she would be there in 10 minutes.  I pretty much just paced and cried during that time and headed out the door when she arrived.
   I got to the hospital and a nurse took me right back and tried to pick up Camryn's heart beat on Doppler. Nothing.  I think I knew right then that this was happening.  My baby wasn't alive.  She said she would get the doctor and do an ultra sound. THe doctor came in and I saw on Ultra sound the black, still space of my baby's heart where I once saw it healthy and beating. The doctor said she was so sorry and left me time to call Troy at work.  I called Troy and told him there was no heart beat.  He left immediately and was at the hospital within 20 minutes (he worked at a different hospital than the one I was at).  I called my mom and told her. The next 20 minutes I spent talking to Troy and my mom on the phone.  Troy came in and we just held eachother and cried for I don't even know how long.  I was so numb and in shock.  I was sorting out all my emotions and wondering what was going to have to happen next.
   The doctor came in and told us she left a message for my doctor and that I could go and deliver that night, or come in the next morning and have my doctor deliver her.  I, of course, wanted my doctor to deliver her. We drove home and I couldn't even think about having to tell sweet little Cache who was so excited for her arrival in 3 weeks.  We arrived home and came in and told Vicki the sad news and she took me right back into my room and we cried together some more.
   She left and Troy made some phone calls to ward members and within minutes we had friends starting to show their love. One family sent over a meal, we had another friend show up and brought us a freezer meal.  Two priesthood holders (and friends) in our ward came and they gave us blessings.  Troy gave me a blessing and I will never forget the peace I felt and the words he spoke.  I knew that Heavenly Father loved me and was aching for us too.  I knew after the blessing that everything would go well the next day during delivery and that I would and could get through this.
  More ward members and friends came and went all night, along with all the phone calls we received.  I will forever be thankful for those people who came by and offered their condolences.  Having people come and go all night gave me a chance to talk about it and prepare myself for what was going to happen the next day. It also showed me how much my family is loved.  We told Cache what had happened and I don't know if he fully understood, but he was sad to know that Camryn wouldn't be coming home.
   One miracle that had happened during that evening was going on in Salt Lake City. My parents arrived home from St. George and went straight to the computer to look up flights to come out.  Everything was booked or way too expensive.  They didn't let that stop them.  They bought a one-way ticket to Portland Oregon and had enough faith that they would find a way here.  They got to Portland and talked to a woman at the ticket counter. She said nothing was available and as they stood there, the prices were going up and up into 3-4 thousand dollars!!  They explained their situation and the kind woman started making phone calls.  By some MIRACLE, she was able to get them to Roanoke and home again for only and extra $75.00. Another prayer answered.
   My parents got to the hospital about 2:00 pm Monday. They traveled all through the night. Everything was going fine for me at that point.  I had my epidural and they started the induction medication about 11:00 am and I was progressing slowly, but surely.  I was so grateful to have my parents there. About 10:40 pm I felt the pressure and knew it was time to deliver. I called in the nurse and she checked me and said "Yep, you are delivering now"  She went and got the doctor.
   I am going to skip writing about the delivery of our sweet Camryn Nichole. We did find out there was a knot in her umbilical cord. I will say it was one of the most special and sweet experiences of my life.  I was so grateful to get to hold our daughter and kiss her and see her.  Troy and I both felt so blessed to know that she was ours forever.  This perfect, beautiful child was not meant to live on this earth, for reasons we do not try to understand.  Our Father in heaven had a different plan for her.  I am so grateful to be sealed for eternity to Troy and I know our family will all be together again one day.  I know Camryn will be our little angel and will watch over us until that time comes.

  I was discharged from the hospital first thing in the morning.  Troy, Cache and Griffyn were all there to bring me home and we saw Camryn one more time.  It was one of the hardest things letting her go. She was so perfect and sweet. 
   We went home and started the planning of the viewing and graveside ceremony.  We heard by then that Troy's parents and his sister Kami had tickets to fly out and would be there the next day.  Troy's brother Travis and his family were also coming down from New Hampshire and would be there Thursday.
   The meals started coming in and the flowers started filling our living room. Phone calls, messages, letters, emails- they all started pouring in.  In all our lives we have never before felt so much love.  It was truly amazing!  I can't even begin to tell you all the kind things people have done for us this past week.  It is so humbling and it truly has made me a different person. I view life differently. I want to do better. Be better.  My family relationships are strengthened.  My friendships are strengthened.  My heart and my faith are strengthened.  Camryn has given us the most amazing gift of all.  She has given us something that will be with us forever.  More love. A stronger desire to be a better person.  A stronger testimony of the plan of Salvation. 
   We had a viewing and graveside service on Friday, October 1st.  We are so grateful to friends and family and for all the sacrifices they have made in our behalf the past week.  I hope I can find a way to repay them.  We have Camryn buried just outside of a beautiful magnolia tree overlooking a hill in the most beautiful cemetery.  It has been a wonderful week having our families here.  We  were able to laugh with them and feel love and joy through this difficult time.  I am not angry or bitter.  I am very sad and my heart aches for my sweet Camryn.  I will miss her so much!  I don't know why she won't be with us during our time here on earth, but I know without any doubt that she will be with us forever. I have such faith in our Heavenly Father's plan. I know there is one for each of us and I know that He loves all of us and wants us to return to Him again one day. I know it is through Christ's atonement that that is possible.
  There were so many miracles and so many blessings I could write. I am so thankful the week went smoothly and that the delivery of Camryn was the best I have had so far. Thanks to everyone who has called and who has prayed for us. Your love and prayers truly lifted us up and carried us when we needed it most. We are all going to be okay. Troy has been amzing through all this and I didn't think I could love him any more, but now I do! :)  We are blessed to have our little family.  Camryn, we love you and can't wait to be with you again!

WE LOVE YOU CAMRYN!!!